.

sometimes i very secretly think that i am an alien

because when i try to probe the minds of others when we have serious discussions about suicide to not so serious discussions about epilators i really try to get in deep like i’m on the verge of discovering el dorado even though i am always swamped with doubts as to how accurate my readings of the innermost workings of their minds are

also when i was young, although i wasn’t particularly ugly except for maybe when i was twelve and looked like a boy with long hair or in high school when i had hairy legs and spoke about masturbating a lot i was pretty smart and good at sport too like second in my grade

actually maybe i was pretty ugly but the cool group still liked me and wanted me to be their friend and some of the popular boys said i was hot so musn't have been a complete pariah but i always always always felt like an absolute loser. i hated life. a lot

even these days sometimes i just hate life just because of the things in this world and i’m so not pro-life because i the way i see it is i never asked to be here and if you were to show me a five-minute trailer of what my life would be like if i chose yes i would say no. and that’s because i would see that the majority of my life would be spent feeling hateful and lonely and confused and very very angry at lots of people and very very sad and depressed about even more people and all the good things would never make up for it. lindt chocolate, minties and red wine even when its less than eight dollars a bottle are all pretty good but still

additionally sometimes when i smoke i have so much fun but then i feel the overwhelming and unexplainable need to throw the whole jar of Nutella into the sea and throw punches at people just to be MORE of an outsider. how much sense does that make

i have weird bone structure in my feet and one day a friend said what happened to your feet and i said i was born like this and he said oh

and often I think things are interesting or humorous when no one else thinks so and do embarrassing things and my friends and family get ashamed and i don’t understand why and we end up fighting

furthermore for a whole week all I did was reject invitations to go out with my friends and watched space documentaries on youtube

sometimes i very secretly think that i am an alien because i don’t understand how humans work in very basic senses but then do on more complex levels

also i am not very good at life

the end