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How to Confuse People

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

How badly do you want to get people confused? It'll take a day or two to master, but it's easy!

Steps

1. Frequently state untruths. A variety of obvious and subtle lies are ideal in achieving maximum levels of confusion. An example of an obvious lie is, “I am, in fact, an alien. Thousands of years ago a contingent of my people chanced upon your planet when they got lost on their way to a popular holiday spot. There are many of us that live among you.” A nice finishing touch to this lie could be lowering your voice a number of octaves and look them unblinkingly in the eye as you utter the last sentence. Contrastingly, a subtle lie is one which could be construed as either true or untrue. These are particularly confusing as people generally don’t know what to believe. An example of a subtle lie is, “I haven’t changed my underwear in three days.”
   
2. For your untruths to maintain their ability to confuse you must also state many obvious facts. A great way to demonstrate you don’t babble palaver all the time is to remain up-to-date with the news and engage in serious discussions regarding current national and international events and issues. Prime topics include, but are not limited to, climate change, politics and religion. Other great avenues for serious discussion include film, books and the price of rental properties. Ensure you have conducted sufficient research on these topics so that your opinion is well-supported. Punctuating your palaver with well-informed and intelligent discussion will exponentially increase others’ confusion.
   
3. NEVER admit that you were lying. Even if you develop a reputation for being a well-informed, curious and intelligent individual remain adamant that you never lie. This reputation, juxtaposed with your blatant fabrications and your understated falsehoods will guarantee maximum levels of confusion. Indeed, admitting that you have told lies renders all future obvious untruths void- if people think you believe your own lies their levels of confusion will intensify.
   
4. Engage in socially unacceptable behaviour. When saying goodbye to a friend or colleague, try to kiss them. At other times, turn around and walk away without saying goodbye. Another great way to be socially unacceptable (and please note the best time to do this is when wearing a suit- the more extreme the juxtapositions, the better) is to smell people. When walking down a busy street with a colleague you are trying to confuse you could appear to be attempting to remain covert as you smell a variety of strangers. Note: it’s best to smell them from behind so as to reduce the chances of them noticing you. Crossing your eyes during a business meeting, smelling your arm-pits in formal milieus and laughing at things that are not humourous in any context are other examples of confusing actions. A plethora of behaviour could be used, get creative!
   

Tips

• Juxtapose, juxtpose, juxtapose! You can never juxtapose frequently or extremely enough in your noble quest to confuse the hell out of people.
  
• Don't let social conventions limit your creativity! In fact, the more your demonstrate complete and utter disrespect for social norms the more confusing you will be, particularly if you ensure this is contrasted with the Hugo Boss suit you're wearing. However, if you forsee the possibility of offending a thoroughly reasonable and easy-going individual its a good idea to rethink your planned action.
  
• Don't only tell one type of lie and exclude meaningful conversation from your conversation. Following these steps will ensure utmost confusion in achieved.
  

Warnings

• Try your best not to offend genuinely reasonable individuals.
  
• Some behaviours are illegal, such as harrassment. Continued harrassing behaviour directed to the same individual/s may result in legal action.
  
• Take being serious seriously. When engaging in meaningful and provoking conversations behave accordingly.
  

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