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Perhaps I'm the quintessential university student. I have $12 in my bank account, owe $100 on my credit card and am one week in arrears on my rent. Today, whilst drunk, I walked through the supermarket filling my basket with canned soup and the cheap brands of milk and bread whilst sheepishly devouring half of an absolutely delectable chicken. I've tried to be vegetarian, not just for the ethical reason of not wanting to partake in the commodification of animals (and farming animals simply isn't sustainable in any case) but for the economic reasons of wanting to save my dollars. Meat is expensive, there's no doubt about that. I’m also the type of student that meets deadlines through the realisation of them via word of mouth. I am in a constant state of complacency which is frequently punctuated by episodes of panic induced by a fellow student asking me how I am going with a particular assignment. This is juxtaposed with the fact that I'm actually a bit of a perfectionist; on an essay we weren’t even marked on made sure I did the things I needed to just to see all the “exceeds expectations” boxes ticked. It’s a bizarre combination, even to me.


Another fact that perhaps slots me into the perfect representation of a uni student is that I'm single. I just read my last post and hope to never be there again. Of course, Harry has tried on numerous occasions now to get back in my good books but there is nothing in me that wants any part of him. After years of (superstitiously) not admitting to myself or others that I wanted to be in one of those beautiful things called a relationship I have now swung a 180. I have consciously decided that absolute truth is absolute freedom. Whether I confess the truth to others is one thing, but admitting the truth to oneself is paramount in achieving clarity, self-assurance and peace.


My life is actually quite close to perfect. On the surface it appears to be a messy and unstable collection of consequences that resulted from a series of equally messy and unstable choices made by a chaotic and irresponsible individual. It is, in fact, the result of the manifestation of a choice that was made after years of mind-numbing questioning, periods of desolate confusion and what must accumulate to be months infatuated deliberation. The choice I made was to accept what it was I was born to do, despite the doubt and the fear that plagued me like an all enveloping, omnipotent disease. The choice I made gives me a sense of purpose to my being. Bizarrely, I feel new.